TDM #5

[calderaevents]

ARRIVAL

It happens in an instant. A heavy weight in your gut, a trembling of your limbs, the world spins and you barely have time to register that you're falling before you lose consciousness. And when you awaken, it's not where you were last. Dark, unadorned oak walls surround you in a tiny room, the only furniture the bed you are currently resting upon, and the bedside table with a folded piece of parchment resting atop it that simply reads:

“The Tavernkeeper is awaiting your arrival downstairs.”

As you exit you find others like yourself emerging from the surrounding rooms. You are indeed in a tavern, but there is no hustle and bustle one might think to hear in such a place. The only person down on the main floor is a humanoid figure wiping down the bar, who smiles when they see you. They're familiar, but not, and you can't quite place their face. For some reason, however, their presence is comforting and warm.

“Welcome, Visitor. I'm sure you have a lot of questions.”

And you most certainly do.

Due to popular demand, the starter tavern and the drinks provided are available to in game characters via a portal accessible only to those with a faction gem.

DRINK MENU

FLAMEFRUIT SANGRIA a deep red wine based punch with chunks of softly glowing fruit floating in it. A single serving makes you feel relaxed, social, and maybe even a little flirty.

MOLTEN MEAD Though the thick drink itself is room temperature, it bubbles sluggishly, and feels very warm going down. The bold flavor affects your mood. You feel very bold! Like you could do anything!

BESALT BRANDY a hopefully staple drink for the brewery, this liquor is smooth and rich with a peppery bite. Ironically after consuming it, you kinda want to bite someone! Not hard! Just a little nip and nibble!

THAT ASHY ESPRESSO a single potent shot of dark espresso swirled with a gold-tinged cream. Intense and bitter with a hint of caramelized sugar. You are now very awake, hyper, and excited.

PYROCLAST'S WHISKEYa glossy black whiskey that turns a vibrant glowing orange when swirled. You now breathe fire.

EMBERMARK WINE a rich, velvety, spiced wine that immediately makes one feel mellow and calm.

CHOOSE YOUR DESTINY

As the effects of your drink wear off, the Tavernkeeper speaks once more:

”It is time, my friends, for you to find your new homes.”

You are compelled to walk through the only door leading out of the tavern, finding yourself not outside, but in a deep black, seemingly endless room with five portals arranged in a circle. As the last of you leave and the door closes behind you, gone when you look back again and replaced with nothing but that black void, three of the portals illuminate:

The first portal is surrounded by an almost blinding light, prismatic rainbows shining brightly in the dewy air outside of the tavern. A soft breeze may gently caress you, pulling you toward it. The portal seems to lead to a city in the clouds, airships and winged beings of all sorts soaring through the skies. Of the little bits of visible land, much of it boasts giant waterfalls that look like clouds melting into the land below. The portal calls to those who crave independence and freedom; and especially to anyone that wishes to find the strong bond of a family not forged in blood.

The second portal is encircled by a fairy ring of spotted white capped mushrooms, the faint scent of damp stone and rich earth wafting from within the faint green glow. Peering inside, one can see a sprawling harbor city of gray hewn stone, a melting pot of humanoid beings going about their day, and beyond, rolling green farmland and cottages clustered in small villages. This portal is destined for those who crave stability and solid ground beneath their feet. A simple life, an adventurous one, and everything in between can be found within.

The last portal is adorned with shells and seaweed, the glow of blue around it catching on droplets cascading down the circular opening. Beyond it you see a city housed inside a massive bubble deep under the ocean, spiraling towers encrusted with coral, and a variety of different creatures mingling about the streets. Outside of that bubble, merfolk swim, a massive squid engulfs the view from the portal as it smoothly glides through the water, and schools of fish disperse as it passes. A sanctuary in the sea that calls to those with a hunger for knowledge and a desire to aid those in need. Or perhaps it is the mystery that beckons you - the lure of the unknown in the depths that bids you explore it.

---

Upon following the pull of the breeze through the first portal, you are thrust into the beauty of a lively city that goes by the name of Heaven's Bow. Much of this main city feels exactly as you would expect on a city below, but there are clouds surrounding every direction you look. The walls of buildings are made with light-colored limestone, and buildings are generally built up to heights made even more grandiose by their position in the sky.

The Skyfall Docks are the first thing you notice, boasting hundreds of airships sailing in and out across the clouds with shouts that accompany a typical port city. Just outside is a fantastic market with goods not only from the other regions of Caldera, but from what some shopkeepers claim are other worlds--items sold or left behind by Visitors. Almost anything can be found in the markets if one is willing to look hard enough. Transport to other locations throughout the sky and even to the land or sea can be found here.

If the docks are too lively for you, you may instead find yourself roaming the underbelly of Heaven's Bow and finding brothels and gambling parlors filled with the promise of pleasure and fortune. The guild house for the Sylphs can be found here as well, giving out quests and training to prospective adventurers and guards alike--though none of them seem concerned with the illicit activities that surround them. Perhaps the freedom the Sylphs boast of extends to what others may deem an undesirable activity.

But most curious of all, you find a shimmering opal gemstone in your hand. When placed anywhere on the body, it will transform into a piece of jewelry with the gemstone set in the center.

---

If it was the second portal that called to you, you will find yourself in the busy city of Grey Ward, with its cobblestone streets and sturdy grey stone buildings. You are in the heart of the city, the Glass Market, so named for the colorful stained glass windows of the surrounding buildings. The scent of cooking food and the sound of barkers fills the air; watchful guards keep an eye out for pickpockets and thieves, and citizens go about their day. From here, one can investigate the rest of the city: the Sundown Docks, where both sea and sky faring skips transport people and goods. The Soot Spire, home of inventors and engineers. The Hearthstill, the main residential area. The Downs, a smaller residential area for those with less means.

Outside the city walls, one can explore acres of farmlands to the east and west, or follow Terra’s Pass to the less settled areas, but take care. Past the Skyward Range, out in the smaller burrows and villages, the influence of the city guard diminishes quickly, and you’ll have to keep your wits about you. Bandits along the road are always a risk, and the wildlife are less controlled by regimented hunting.

In your hand is a gemstone, a brilliantly green emerald that, when placed anywhere on the body, will transform into a piece of jewelry with the gemstone set in the center.

---

If the last portal beckoned you through it, you find yourself within that bubble covered city beneath the sea, the city of Salt Spire. Your ears pop with the change in pressure, and the smell of the salty sea fills your nostrils. All around you buildings made of dark stone encrusted with coral and seagrass tower high above your head, the backdrop outside the dome a deep blue, seemingly endless sea filled with fish and merfolk and all other manner of creature swimming through the water. You stand in the heart of it all, surrounded by people with gils on their necks and scales upon their vibrantly colored skin, all of whom seem intrigued by your arrival. You have many options of where to visit in the city under the sea, but where oh where will you go first?

The Salt Spire Library is right before you, an impossibly large building housing thousands upon thousands of books of all genres. Fiction, non-fiction, romance and mystery and all between. You may even find books from your world and others! Oddly enough though, no Calderan history books are to be found, and if you ask for them, the librarians and locals all choose to ignore your questions.

If scholarly pursuits aren't to your interest currently, perhaps a trip to Bluetide Market would be more your style? The marketplace is host to every manner of shop one might ever need: artisans of all varieties, apothecaries and healers in the Shimmer Quarter, the most in fashion undersea clothing shops, food stalls, and all between can be found in Bluetide. There are also the Tideshore and Fogbottom docks on either end of the city. The former allows transport to the surface via large, magical bubbles for those that cannot hold their breath or make the swim themselves yet. The latter allows people to venture further into the sea. Those without their underwater abilities are offered rebreathers for travel that last for four hours before needing to be replaced.

In your hand is a gemstone, a shining sapphire that, when placed anywhere on the body, will transform into a piece of jewelry with the gemstone set in the center.

IGNACIA'S CRADLE/EMBER VEIL

Months ago, a piece of land from Heaven’s Bow fell from the sky and scarred the land below, damaging a part of the city. From that chaos and ruin rose new life, a new ruler, and a new city: Ignacia’s Cradle. Just a short walk from the edge of Grey Ward, the gates of the city are guarded by two massive obsidian golems, and any who did not rise from the lava itself are warned at the entrance that to travel about the city will be most difficult, unless they have obtained a way to mitigate the extreme heat: be that with a charm, an ability, or a potion. The very streets themselves are paved in slabs of volcanic rock, tall spires of buildings constructed and shaped by rapidly cooled lava. The main method of travel are the mine carts, with tracks that wind through the spires ready to take one to almost any location.

Currently, the main feature of Ignacia’s Cradle is the Lava Flats, home of skilled smiths that use the extreme heat of the lava to melt the strongest metals and create unbreakable weapons, glassmakers and jewelers who fashion elaborate headpieces, rings, and amulets. These items are sold at the Ember Market on the outskirts of the Flats.

At the edge of the city lies the Ashfall Terrace, where a small farm using the rich volcanic ash and soil is in its infancy, as well as the Basalt Brewery where clever alchemists are researching ways to use the extreme heat to craft new and unique beverages that they are eager to find folk to test them out on.

---

The hot spring of Ignacia’s Cradle is a breathtaking anomaly located just beyond the Ashfall Terrace, tucked into a secluded crater formed by the celestial impact that gave rise to the city. Here, molten veins from the Lava Flats weave beneath the earth, heating a natural reservoir that bubbled to life amidst the chaos. The spring’s waters shimmer with an ethereal brilliance, hues of deep turquoise blending with molten gold and fiery orange, as though Heaven’s Bow itself left behind a fragment of its essence. Steam rises in curling wisps, carrying the tang of minerals and faint traces of sulfur.

The spring, known to locals as The Ember Veil, is both a sanctuary and a marvel of natural wonder. Its soothing waters are reputed to heal wounds and fortify the spirit, with the temperature kept in perfect balance by an intricate system of naturally formed vents and channels. The edges are lined with intricately carved obsidian benches, where patrons can soak their feet or meditate in the rising steam. Plants resistant to the intense conditions—vivid fire lilies and ash ferns—dot the perimeter, their resilience a symbol of life’s ability to flourish even in the harshest environments.

Sometimes, when two or more individuals share the waters, the spring creates a subtle connection between their minds, allowing memories to surface like ripples on its surface. These shared memories appear as glowing, translucent scenes that hover above the water, visible to all within the spring. Participants can relive moments from their lives, experiencing them through each other’s eyes, fostering profound empathy and understanding.

Another of the spring’s mystical properties occurs when bathers who enter the waters feeling drained, injured, or burdened by grief often find their vitality restored. The waters seem to draw out negative energies and emotions, replacing them with a warm, invigorating sensation that spreads through the body. In rare instances, the spring has been known to accelerate physical healing, mending minor injuries and soothing chronic aches, as though the magic itself is stitching the body back together.

A lesser-known but equally fascinating effect happens on particularly clear nights, when the moonlight reflects on the spring’s surface, some bathers report fleeting glimpses of potential futures. These visions are often cryptic, appearing as brief, dream-like flashes, but they have guided many to life-changing decisions. The alchemists of the Basalt Brewery believe this effect stems from residual cosmic energy, and they have begun experimenting with enhancing it through the addition of rare minerals and lunar elixirs.

RADIANT SUN

The day begins like no other, with the skies painted in hues of golden-pink as the Radiant Sun ascends. Its light spills over the world, warm and soft, caressing the land and filling every heart with a sense of peace. Beneath its glow, emotions of love and connection bloom like never before. Strangers exchange heartfelt smiles, old friends embrace as though no time has passed, and lovers find their feelings deepened, their bonds strengthened.

Even the air feels different—lighter, sweeter, as though the universe itself is celebrating. The songs of birds harmonize with the melodies of impromptu musicians who feel inspired by the sun’s radiance. Those with magical abilities sense their powers of healing and creation magnified, as if the sun itself lends its strength to their intentions. Long-held grudges seem to melt away under the sun’s tender gaze, replaced by tears of reconciliation and words of forgiveness.

The Radiant Sun touches every heart differently:

◾A widow finds peace as memories of her late spouse no longer bring sorrow but gratitude for the love they shared.
◾A timid youth finds the courage to confess their feelings to the person they’ve admired for so long.
◾A gruff warrior lets down their guard, laughing freely with their companions for the first time in years.

For a fleeting moment, the world feels as it should be—unified, harmonious, and drenched in love.

But as the day wanes and the Radiant Sun dips below the horizon, an unease begins to settle...

JEALOUS MOON

The golden light gives way to deep purples and silvers as the Jealous Moon rises, its glow pale and cold. Its light pierces the heart, not to warm it, but to expose the insecurities that lie buried within. Where love had flourished during the day, doubt begins to creep in.

Under the Jealous Moon’s influence, emotions twist and darken:

◾A once-reconciled pair of siblings argue over old grievances, as jealousy over perceived favoritism resurfaces.
◾A couple, who had spent the day lost in each other’s arms, now question each other’s loyalty and intentions.
◾A nobleman, inspired to be generous during the day, grows suspicious of those who received his gifts, fearing they may exploit his kindness.

The air grows heavy with tension, and the magic of the Radiant Sun fades, replaced by the sharp sting of distrust. The moon’s pale light seems to follow people like a judgmental gaze, amplifying every fear, insecurity, and lingering resentment.

Worse still, the night seems endless, as though time itself has bent beneath the weight of the Jealous Moon’s envious glow. For three long days and nights, the moon lingers high in the sky, its pale, piercing light casting a shadow over hearts and minds, amplifying discord and despair. Its power sows strife among even the closest bonds, driving some to dangerous extremes. Yet, when all seems lost, the scholars of the three factions unite their wisdom and uncover a glimmer of hope—a means to dispel the moon’s cruel influence. For those who have not yet succumbed to jealousy’s grip, there remains a chance to reclaim harmony, a chance for redemption before the damage becomes irreversible.

The solution lies not in complex rituals or rare relics but in the simplest and most instinctive actions: physical connection. To weaken the moon’s hold, people must embrace one another—offering a hug, a handshake, or even resting a hand on someone’s shoulder. These gestures of closeness disrupt the isolation and mistrust that the moon thrives upon. Sitting side by side or holding hands creates a barrier against its oppressive light, reminding the afflicted that they are not alone. Even small acts, like sharing warmth through proximity or clasping arms in solidarity, build a shield of connection that the moon cannot penetrate.

As these actions ripple through the night, the Jealous Moon’s light begins to dim, its sharp, cold glow softening until it fades from the sky entirely. The tension in the air lifts, replaced by a quiet calm that feels almost foreign after the chaos of the past three days. Slowly, the world seems to exhale, and the darkness that clung so tightly to the hearts of many begins to loosen its grip. People step back from the brink of despair, their minds clearing as if waking from a long, disorienting dream. Relationships strained by the moon’s influence begin to mend as apologies are exchanged, tears are shed, and bonds are reaffirmed.

ALL IS WELL(?)

With the Radiant Sun rising again, its golden-pink hues spilling across the horizon, life begins to return to normal. The birds resume their morning songs, markets reopen, and the hum of daily activity fills the air once more. Though traces of the moon’s influence linger in whispered memories, there is a collective sense of relief and gratitude among the people—gratitude for the light, for connection, and for a second chance to heal.

In the outskirts of Ignacia's Cradle, Aella and Terra, two of the three leaders of the factions, come together to address the gathered crowds. Together they assure the people that this celestial event was a rare anomaly, something never before recorded in the annals of history. They explain that while the Jealous Moon’s influence was unprecedented and deeply unsettling, it was a unique alignment of cosmic forces that is unlikely to occur again in their lifetimes—or ever.

The leaders thank the people for their resilience and compassion, emphasizing how their acts of unity—simple gestures of closeness and connection—proved stronger than the moon’s envy. They commend the scholars for their quick thinking and the Visitors for their role in guiding others through the chaos. Finally, they urge everyone to move forward, not in fear of what has passed, but with the knowledge that even in the darkest moments, their strength lies in the bonds they share.

QUESTBOARD

Settled in? Good. It's time to make your way to the Questboard located in every city in numerous, easy to access locations. That is, if you want to make any kind of impact on the world or just get some Bones for anything you might wish to purchase. Visitors are given a very small stipend in which to survive every month, but all it does is keep you fed and housed. These quests will assure you greater wealth, and they're the main reason you're here: each finished quest helps the Calderans fix their shattering world.

Quests can be accepted at the questboard via magically signed parchment upon the board. Just sign your name to accept and the paper will be whisked away... somewhere. You're not actually sure. Probably nothing to concern yourself with.

Once quests are completed, earned Bones will be dropped off at the character's residence by Bonita, the mysterious artisan who has supposedly handcrafted every Bone circulating in Caldera. Please do not speak to her, she startles easily.

*February will be the last month to complete quests for this rotation. New ones will go up on March 1st.

OOC NOTES

Welcome to Caldera's fifth TDM! All characters awaken in a strange tavern with nothing save the clothes on their backs, all of their powers stripped, and a piece of parchment directing them downstairs to the Tavernkeeper. There is a thread of all questions answered by the Tavernkeeper here, and if you have more, feel free to ask there for what would be offered ICly.

For OOC questions, please direct themhere.

All locations are available to be explored! Ignacia's Cradle and Ember Veil have been added, along with details about the Violet Drop regarding the Cult of Triton.

The TDM is game canon and all completed quests can be carried over once accepted into the game.

Participation in the Radiant Sun/Jealous Moon effects is not mandatory.

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Comments

[dreamflowers]

Feeling Imoen's hands reach for her, Jade flinches instinctively, but doesn't withdraw completely. A part of her, stabbing and aching deep down, doesn't feel that she's worth the sympathy. That she had choked on that grief for this long, she could swallow it someday.

Leaning forward, resting her head between her knees, Jade just shakes her head. The mere notion of condemning that boy to such an existence sounds loathsome to her.

"Yes and no." Jade pauses. "Not all ghosts are dead -- not in the way you think. Old images etched into my brain, searched and always burning."

Jade had seen them her entire life, but they were phantasms; a madness that plagued her.

[buffleheaded]

Seeing this grief prompts an uncomfortable twist in Imoen. No one wants to see someone they like unravel this way. This isn't the kind of thing that she could twist her father's power to heal. It's not even something she can try to ward off, with as simple an action as telling Sye that they don't have to deal with a nearby bloody crusade.

It's happened. It can't be taken back. And, "This hurts you."

[dreamflowers]

Yes, it hurts. Yes, it's been twisting her up for much longer than Jade would like to admit. It was easier when she could just put on a mask and pretend, because no one knew. No one had to know.

The knowing feels like it's trying to change things. Shift the pieces on the board she's arranged so well up until this point. And now, all she can get out are two words:

"Doesn't matter."

She gave up her right to grieve when she decided humanity was probably better off dead, and it could go straight to hell without her.

[buffleheaded]

Doesn't matter?

"Of course it matters."

Her voice shakes. It matters to hurt, and to be hurt. Part of life. Part of death. Water sloshes around her ankles as she shifts, agitated. Imoen tugs her sleeve this time - to draw her close, to get Jade to look at her instead of burying her head between her knees, whatever she can get.

"What did you do? After."

[dreamflowers]

Feeling Imoen on her sleeve, something loathsome in her bubbles up again. Something that had been simmering into a boil for quite some time. It's annoying. Why can't people just learn to mind their own damned business?

"Don't fucking touch me!" Jade snaps, slapping Imoen's hand away.

Regret immediately follows.

Deep breath.

Exhale.

Just as soon as she sits upright, she covers her face again, hands running down her eyes. "Sorry. I don't... don't mean that."

It was easier if people didn't know her circumstances before coming here. Didn't know what was going on in her head just moments before it all vanished.

Easier, or just exchanging one burden for another? Jade can't say. Her apology is sincere, though; her regret audible when she decides to answer Imoen's question soon after:

"I dunno what I did... Most of it's a blur. Drifted for a few weeks, I think. Thought I'd head up into the mountains, find someplace high... Ended up here instead."

[buffleheaded]

Imoen's hand jerks away and she jolts, and the dark thought crowds in so fast. It was a little thing, but it was something and she could lash out too and the bhaalspawn could push her into the water to show her something else -

No. No. Imoen shrinks back a little, and hides the hand under her other, in her lap. Makes herself be quiet, and just listen.

"...Here. With a whole new bunch of people expecting things out of you."

[dreamflowers]

Unaware of Imoen's own intrusive thoughts, Jade just shrugs in response.

"People have been expecting things outta me for a long time. I daresay they've just about always had." She laughs. Joyless. Bitter. Her hands drop to her lap.

Whether it was protecting her little sister from their father, people who needed killing for her master, her Kiléan companions who just wanted to go home, or stopping a damned an apocalypse. People always want something from her.

"Some world savior I turned out to be. Can't even save a fucking kid."

[buffleheaded]

"You wanted to save a world with him in it, not one without?"

Imoen looks down at her hands. She does know loss. Gorion was supposed to be her foster father too, and she did see him die, too, even if she focused on Syeira in the aftermath. Gods, Imoen isn't actually good at this, is she - she made it worse when she tried talking to Jaheira about her husband's death.

"Nothing wrong with wanting that. Not on its own."

[dreamflowers]

"Blazes. I couldn't even tell you what I want."

Jade was never any good with this, either. And it wasn't for a lack of trying; she did. All she did was end up making things worse, or pushing people away. So it seemed better to just keep them at a distance, don't get too close, limit how familiar she gets with certain people.

But you can only maintain that façade for so long before it starts to break. Jade's did. She can feel it as the tears mist her eyes and she runs the back of her hand over them again.

"It's not like there aren't people I give a damn about... but I fucked those up, too. And that boy, he just... accepted me. Even though I was different. But I guess it was because I was different that he wanted me to stay. And I considered it. I really did. It would have been a nice dream."

Words echoed in the memory. Her eulogy to him that no one else heard.

Or, well, so she thought. Until now.

[buffleheaded]

This time Imoen doesn't reach out to her, but gods does Imoen want to. How terrible is her perspective that Imoen thought knowing the pattern over scars Jade carries is anything like knowing how the other woman has been hurt?

Hands in lap. Just keep them there.

"You ought to take a minute and let yourself cry."

Imoen isn't above it. She's spent a fair amount of time crying over what's happened to herself. At least it doesn't make things worse.

"But when you can...I'd like to understand. It wouldn't all be a dream, would it? Being wanted, at the least?"

[dreamflowers]

Physical pain is one thing. Jade has endured much of it over her life, from using her body to protect her little sister by directing her father's anger and punishments on her, to the torture inflicted on her as a slave. Emotional pain, the kind that's easier to hide, is a different story. It always was. Being able to smile through the bruises to reassure her mother that she did her best, masking the fact that she had been talking to 'ghosts' during those weeks spent in isolation in her master's cellar.

After years' worth of covering it all, the mask is bound to crack eventually. It's been cracking for some time now, with each hit she takes, with each loss she feels.

Hope is so cruel. It made her believe she could have a better life on more than one occasion. She's afraid to give in to that feeling again.

Biting back a sob, Jade doesn't yet allow herself to do what Imoen says she should.

"I dunno... Being wanted doesn't seem to have a positive track record for the people around me." Her fingers twist together, hands wringing as she stares down at the water, not daring to touch it again. "Y'know why I decided to climb the mountains?"

Maybe the answer was obvious, not only based on what she had said previously, but in the things she had said in the memory. In front of Rynéus' pyre, as the boy's mutilated flesh peeled away into charred meat as the hours drew on.

[buffleheaded]

"Felt like...you were going there to do something pretty final."

If it was actually going to be a clean cut or something else, Imoen isn't sure. Sometimes it is all the same. Choosing an end is choosing an end.

Imoen swallows, and makes herself straighten up. Makes herself watch Jade in this near-broken state. Because she can picture Rynéus now, just as clearly as the bhaalspawn can picture Khalid, or picture...she needs to keep herself in this moment. It's important.

"What were you going to do up there?"

CW: suicide

[dreamflowers]

Something about Imoen's phrasing makes Jade's throat clamp up for a moment. Yes, final... As if it wasn't enough that she had once helped a young woman chase her former companion across the country map, only to find that they were too late to stop her from taking her own life.

The irony isn't lost on her. Only rather than dying to become part of 'something greater' like Tara had, Jade would just be dying. Abandoning her responsibilities and all.

"I've had these dreams sometimes. Nightmares, really. My family is there, telling me that I don't belong among the living. That I should be dead. 'Just... let yourself fall,' they say. 'We miss you.'"

As Jade says this, she makes a gesture with her fingers, like falling through the air.

When her hands fall back onto her lap, she hangs her head, quiet for a moment. "I know I don't believe I'll ever actually see them in some 'realm of the dead', but that 'sleep' just sounded real appealing after everything." Her lip twitches into a joyless, almost manic smile. "On the other hand, I wouldn't have cared less if I'd just gotten killed by a bear or highwayman on the way up there, but... Zar'Ah wasn't having that."

Though Jade can't tell if it was just an instinctive reflex to protect the summoner or if her Apparition gave a shit about her well-being. Maybe it's wishful thinking that she could have ever helped the dead, especially that one whose death she regrettably had a somewhat direct involvement in.

The more she realizes what she's saying, the more real her intention starts to feel. Jade flinches, ashamed of herself for admitting these things aloud, and here of all places, where nothing could be done about it. She opens her mouth again, wants to say that she's sorry. For being like this. For bringing it up. For burdening Imoen with such a memory and whatever feelings come with it. But all that comes out is a croaked sound.

CW: suicide

[buffleheaded]

Zar'Ah...one of the Apparitions, wasn't it? It's increasingly unclear to Imoen whether they are directed by Jade or retain something of themselves.

Now isn't the time for rehashing the particulars of Phasmalism. The terrible sound Jade makes, that is the important thing. Imoen hasn't broken down like this in front of someone, herself. That the sound replaces an apology makes things simpler for Imoen, not having to wave away apologies that she doesn't want. But that sound. Her throat feels tight.

Now is not the time to let the matter go.

"And since then?"

CW: suicide

[dreamflowers]

A sting twists up in her chest again as Jade just shakes her head at first. She'd like to say that things had changed since then, that she had found a reason to keep going through willpower alone. But: "It was one of the first things I asked that bartender in the tavern we woke up in... 'The natural laws of death do not apply here,' or something like that."

She leans forward, gripping a handful of hair over her head as her jaw clenches.

"Of course, at one point I figured, 'What if I gave these leaders a reason not to wanna bring me back?' But, y'know... Might entail having to do something a little extreme, even for me."

And even if Jade were to do something to prevent herself from being resurrected (again), she's not sure if she would want to become the kind of person that the people of this world would rather stay dead.

CW: suicide

[buffleheaded]

"That's a pretty big thing to ask."

It does sort of make sense. Imoen knows a couple of the reasons a revival spell might fail in Faerûn, and the big snag here would be that the soul being called back to the body would have to want to come. Maybe it's different in Caldera. She doesn't really want to find out. Probably.

She screws her face up, and kicks a foot along the surface of the water. Jade's the one who hits her hardest, but it isn't the first time she's seen a Visitor who seems uncertain they could have a future.

"I was thinking they gave people reasons to want to keep going."

CW: suicide

[dreamflowers]

The water ripples, distorting their reflections. Jade turns her head, barely even recognizing the version of herself in the water anymore.

"How d'you figure? I came here with nothing. Had no one, with expectations that weren't much different from the ones I had before. And I wasn't exactly eager to make solid connections if my mind was already thinking about an exit..."

Guilt cuts through her like a knife as she yanks at her hair, her knuckles turning white. She really shouldn't be talking about this. She should be giving Imoen an out if she ends up being too much of a bother to deal with.

Jade sighs. Her shoulders slack. "Sorry. Guess my head was more of a mess when we met than I was willing to let on."

Still is.

CW: suicide

[buffleheaded]

“We come here with an offer. Nice houses - maybe some’re nicer than you grabbed, still. Then there’s folks who aren’t going to chase us out of town for things we can’t control in our background.”

They can share wondering if their own reflection is who they are. In a way, it’s a central problem in Imoen’s memory in the water. She hunches a little when Jade brings up their meeting. She’d enjoyed herself, and sure, there’d been recognition of things not to be poked when one is just someone new and looking to have fun. But Imoen misjudged the scope of the problem behind Jade wanting a drink that would fuck her up back then.

“No regrets there,” Imoen says. “We didn’t do a thing to feel bad about.”

CW: suicide

[dreamflowers]

"A pretty cage is still a cage. All I ever wanted was to be free."

Maybe it wasn't all she wanted, but freedom certainly ranked pretty high on her list. And being here, unable to make her own choices whether she stayed or left, lived or died. She'd told Finnick as such, that she didn't intend to set roots, or surrender to the illusion of complacency while she knew her world was dying.

Including the people left in it that she cared about, or at least felt that they didn't deserve to disappear just because Jade herself wanted so badly to. What a contradiction she is.

"No, I don't regret it, either." Jade pauses, turning her head slightly to look at Imoen with her good eye, before looking away again. "Or meeting you."

CW: suicide

[buffleheaded]

"Death isn't freedom, neither. Whatever else, I need you to know that."

Imoen wrings her hands, agitated. As fascinating as death is for the bhaalspawn, she has plenty of views of what it can mean to be dead.

Even if she tries picturing it the way Jade has envisioned.

"Back there, I just thought - you were a bit hurt, maybe. Stressing. A bit of fun could have been good for both of us."

CW: suicide

[dreamflowers]

"Perhaps. I'm not sure if I agree."

But Jade isn't going to argue, either. Everyone has their own feelings when it comes to death. As a Phasmalist, hers is a rather unique perspective...

Even if she didn't command spirits of the deceased, however, her feelings would still be the same. Jade starts to speak, but bites down when she sees Imoen's hands. Her fingers twitch, wanting to reach out in some way. Comfort. Contact. Just to touch someone again. Given her outburst earlier, she can't fault Imoen for keeping her hands to herself.

"You couldn't have known. It's not like it's something you just casually bring up with random strangers in taverns," Jade says softly. "Besides. It was kinda nice not being alone for a little bit."

Especially without her Apparitions, she was particularly lonely.

Re: CW: suicide

[buffleheaded]

"Well -"

Imoen should be the last person to talk. Druids likening her to an animal hiding with its hurt, hurting Aerie's feelings to get her to stop prying. But...

"I'm not a random stranger in a tavern now. You don't have hold back from me."

Ah, pots and colors.

Re: CW: suicide

[dreamflowers]

Maybe Imoen wasn't the first person Jade thought of sharing this kind of thing with. Actually, she didn't have anyone she thought she'd talk to. Her plans to just bury the feelings for as long as possible weren't working out as effectively as she had hoped, however.

Which is to say, the plan was terrible and it was always going to be terrible.

Fidgeting a little more, Jade glances at Imoen again, studying her a moment as if to detect some hint of insincerity.

"You sure? I... don't wanna be a bother. Never did." It's why she's lived alone. Why she kept her distance from others, even when she's missed companionship that didn't just end after a night.

Re: CW: suicide

[buffleheaded]

She means the offer, and her demeanor is serious, if anxious. Even her voice is a lower pitch than she might usually speak with. It means something when Imoen isn't playing up the silly rogue that she intends to be.

"I'm sure. I'm - Jade, what I saw, it was hard. And I know how it hurts. But it's not the first hard thing I've seen. Won't be the last."

She doesn't mean it to trivialize the experience. Hopefully it doesn't sound like it. Imoen just means that she can handle it.

Re: CW: suicide

[dreamflowers]

What Imoen saw was far from the hardest thing she could have seen... but Jade certainly didn't feel as though her experience was being diminished.

Still, she's always struggled with relying on others. Asking for help. It just wasn't something she did, because she never expected anything from other people. She doesn't want to think like that from Imoen, though.

"Guess so." Jade opens her mouth to say more, but guilt over her outburst when Imoen tried reaching out still lingers. She bites her tongue. "I'm sorry again... for yelling earlier. You didn't deserve that."

It was instinct; a poison of old habits whenever people tried to get close to her.